Thinking Backwards

First of all I would just like to make it clear how much I love to write. I mean, there are certain times when I really don't want to, maybe even for months at a time when important, sad, or even happy times come around. Everyone always says "Keep a journal. Write in it daily, or weekly." No thanks. While it is important to keep record of things that happen in your life, I think there are many ways to do that. For me, I like to document with pictures. Yeah, yeah I post on Instagram once a day, or once every couple of days. Maybe one day my children will be able to look at all my pictures and laugh at how horrible the quality was, or laugh at the 2014 style. If I had all the money in the world, I would cover my entire house with pictures of things that make me happy and document things that make me feel peaceful, and content. But, for now, blogging and Instagram will do. I guess I felt the need to mention that because I know people (myself included) feel judged by the way they document their lives.Write blogs, write letters, keep journals, take pictures, saved quotes, make scrapbooks, record videos, but I do plead with everyone to do SOMETHING to keep memories close. You'll only regret the pictures that you don't take.

That being said... I pretty much document everything with pictures. Even if they are bad ones, they are still memories, and that is what counts. 

As I was looking through these pictures I couldn't help but notice how incredibly slow the past year has been. The thing that shocks me the most is how close Sienna and I have become in the past year. We haven't even been friends for a year yet and I couldn't ask for a better best friend. Honestly! Love that girl. It also shocks me that close to a year ago, even six months ago I talked to people on a regular basis that I haven't spoke to in months. It is sad though that sometimes things that end badly, will never be able to be healed. Forgiveness has been something hard for me to understand quite honestly. Growing up I always thought that "sorry" fixed everything, because that is how it works in a family. You don't have to fight for someone to read your text, or your message. While I was going through a very hard time I would admit that I said some things to people that I probably shouldn't have. And people said things to me that they probably shouldn't have. But that is where understanding comes in and I accept the fact that both sides were wrong. And THAT is where you get to forgive yourself and stop beating yourself up over things that just can't be fixed. Hard realization sometimes, but that is reality. Life goes on. 

It's also been 8 months since I lost my brother. Now that seems like it was just yesterday. I kind of cry a lot. Because I miss him, or because of the relationship we had, and even because of the relationship that we didn't have. There are things I wish I said more to him, or the fact that I never let him know how much I envied certain characteristics that he had. I wish I could have gone to Seattle more and not worried so much about getting hours at work. I wish I had written him more meaningful letters when he was on his mission, or hugged him more when he came to the house to let him know just how much I loved being in his presence. But again, that has to be let go of because I know, that he knows how I feel now. 

This past year my Heavenly Father really tested me. It was really important that I followed some of the feelings I had this past summer, or I never would have met Tripper. How incredibly the Lord's timing is. I am so blessed to have someone by my side every day, through every laugh, smile, tear, and frown. Marriage really is great and I wouldn't trade Tripper for the world. What a special blessing he has been to me in the past year. Don't know what I did to make him fall in love with me, but just remember that miracles happen every single day. 

Here's to documenting life.