This has been such a fast year for me. I can't believe our wedding was a year ago! What a year it has been. While marriage is not always roses and butterflies, I can honestly say being married has given me a new kind of happiness in my life. And for that, I can say this has been one of the best years of my life.
Here are a few things I have learned this past year that I never gave thought to before.
It's okay to be wrong
Yes, it's okay to be wrong. And it's also okay to be right. When first married I'm sure Tripper and I agreed with anything the other person said to avoid confrontation. Well guess what? I like being right. But am I always right? Definitely not. Is Tripper always right? No. We aren't perfect and sometimes I would say we even like to argue. I think it's a normal human flaw to try to correct someone if you have a difference in opinion. Argue less, be wrong more.
Tone is everything
Okay I am personally really terrible at this. Tone of voice has everything to do with a conversation and where it's headed. When I get stressed and frustrated I tend to use a more stern don't-talk-to-me-right-now tone of voice. It's so horrible! I've been working on this specifically lately. When you and your husband need to talk about something, think about how you are going to approach the situation and be calm, open and understanding to whatever is about to be said.
Love Vs. Like
A few days before Tripp and I got married, we met with our bishop in the singles ward and he gave us some advise. It didn't make sense to me for a while, but now I understand. He told us that we will not always "like" each other, but it is important to always love each other. Your spouse may not always do things that make you happy, but you never stop loving them. It's okay and natural to get frustrated with your spouse. It's okay not to like them for a little while. But please tell them why you are upset. Do not let your anger fester and grow. Always remember to love.
Being silly is more than okay
Let's be honest here, you can't be mature all the time. At least a few times a week Tripper and I find ourselves wrestling over something in our room. Those are the times when we end up laughing so hard that we're crying. And I can never keep a straight face when Tripper does his little kid voice or looks at me with his puppy dog face. Sometimes he gets wrapped up in the sheets before we put them on the bed because their warm. Sometimes he even hides in the closet. And sometimes he sneaks up behind me while I'm putting on a face mask. Be weird. Be loud. Be fun! Just because you're married, doesn't mean you have to stop doing silly things. I live for being weird with my husband because he's the only one who will keep coming back and doing those weird things with me.
Time alone is important
If you have the money, take a little 2 day trip to the coast or your favorite place away from homr every few months to be alone. We have done this a few times and it's so nice to be away and to be alone. If you don't have the means for that (we wish we could go on my vacations...) take a few minutes or more every night just to be alone. Turn the TV off, put your phones down and just enjoy each other. Talk. Laugh. Sing. Whatever it is. Just take time to be together without distraction. It's healthy to have that connection.
Learn to take a joke
It happened a lot when we were first married and still happens from time to time now, but learn to take a joke. It lightens things up so much when you can laugh about something together. Try to be slow in taking offense. What is a husband if he doesn't poke fun at you, anyway? ;)
It takes time
It takes time to adjust to marriage. I never once thought about marriage being an adjustment. I just thought about how I got to live with my BFF for the rest of forever. In some aspects I am still adjusting because new things happen every day. But I am so grateful for a husband who is understanding of that. Since we got married quickly after he got home from his mission, he has always said being married was the perfect transition from having a companion on the mission. I've learned that I'll never have everything down perfectly, but all I can do is try. It's easy to get frustrated with myself, but I just have to remember it takes time to adjust from being single, to being married.
You're the adults now
This has been hard for me, too. Being married means I'm the adult. I make life decisions. I pay for things like car insurance and phone bills and groceries. I hate making life decisions. It's scary! But learning how to communicate with your spouse and making the best decision for the two of you, is the best thing you can do. Counsel with the ones you love; your spouse, your parents, Heavenly Father and give yourself time to make those decisions. I've learned that not everything that sounds the best, is the best and that's okay, too. If you have done everything you need to do and it still doesn't feel right, say something to your spouse. Don't let your own insecurities stand in the way of something you don't think is the best for the two of you.
Insecurities are flawless
In a marriage I think it is so important to see past insecurities. What your spouse believes is an insecurity is not often what you believe to be their insecurity. The things my husband thinks are his insecurities, I particularly love about him. No matter what, your spouse is going to (should) love you just the way you are. So let your spouse tell you that you're perfect and that you're the best. Let them tell you they love all the things you hate about yourself. Pretty soon you'll start to love yourself just as much as your spouse does.
I could probably go on forever about all the things I have learned in the past year. But to narrow it down a bit... Marriage has been good to us. It's fun. It's strengthening. It's humbling. It's love. It's the best. Love unconditionally. Kiss goodnight and goodbye. Be positive and I promise everyone that tells you "the first year of marriage is the worst/hardest" will be wrong.
I uploaded some pictures becasue we are mostly just weird. But he's cute and I love him :)
Merry Christmas.
